Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish I only lived at night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
