I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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