the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
