I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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