dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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