I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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