Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
