Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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