I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
