How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
