jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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