What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
