I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
