i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
