He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
