Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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