Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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