I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
