We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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