You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
