that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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