we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
