I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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