Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
