why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You were trust falling into bushes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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