I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
