Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
