Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
wow bdsm is so cute
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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