we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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