Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
