but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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