She is in my trunk
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
