who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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