FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
