Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you would pick up someone in the library
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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