he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
