YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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