I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
