Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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