I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
