Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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