dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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