ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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