just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
