Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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