Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
