drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
