There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
