3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
