his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
