Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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