i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
